Book Clubs
Book clubs are the best! I’ve included some materials here to help you structure yours, and if you want me to pay your book club a visit, I’d be delighted. Just shoot me a note at Andrea@andreadunlop.net and we’ll set it up. Happy reading!
Discussion Questions for WE CAME HERE TO FORGET
When we meet her in the present day, Katie moves to Buenos Aires on a whim to reinvent herself. Given what you learn about the city’s history in the novel, what might make it a particularly good place to start over? Where would you go if you wanted to reinvent yourself?
The story of Katie and her alter-ego Liz is told in chapters that alternate between the past and present, culminating in the horrible tragedy that turned Katie’s life upside down. Was there one part of the protagonist’s life that compelled you? Talk about why.
On page 47, Katie observes that she’s “been peripherally aware that other girls put untold energy into hating their bodies. . . I’d become aware that ‘fat’ was not simply a physical state but a state of mind, a feeling, a lens through which all teenage girls seemed to at least occasionally see themselves.” How do Katie’s feelings about her body change throughout the novel and the stages of her life?
We see Katie chasing her lifelong dream of being an Olympic skiing champion. What was your childhood dream job and did you pursue it?
Katie and Luke bond over their daring tricks and ambition on the ski slopes. How are these qualities seen differently in Katie than in Luke? What role does gender play in how we see these two athletes?
Difficult sibling relationships are a big part of the story. What makes these relationships so important and so fraught?
Katie has a steamy but messy relationship with Gianluca, the tango instructor she meets in Buenos Aires. What do you think of her decision not to tell him about her pregnancy?
On p. 130, Penny takes her sister’s hand and lays it on her stomach. Katie says “And to this day, I swear to you, I felt that baby kick.” Why do you think Katie remembers it this way? How reliable did you feel like Katie’s memories of her childhood were given the ensuing trauma?
A form of child abuse called Munchausen by Proxy is central to the story of Katie and Penny. Had you heard of MBP before? Discuss how the issue is portrayed in the book and elsewhere in popular culture.
Over the course of the book, a longstanding love triangle between Katie, Luke, and Blair emerges. How do you feel about Katie’s ultimate choice? How might it be difficult for Katie and Blair going forward as a couple?
Katie is mourning the loss of her sister even though she’s still alive. Penny’s actions have made it impossible for Katie to have a relationship with her, but Katie still longs for her sister and misses her at times. How is it different to grieve someone we’ve lost through estrangement rather than death?
When we meet Katie, she is reeling from two major turning points in her life: the separation from her sister and the end of her skiing career. Her life becomes defined by this “before and after.” What was the biggest turning point in your own life?
Enhance Your Book Club
On p. 125, Gemma observes her friend: “Edward never stays anywhere long enough for moss to grow, let alone roots to take hold.” How long do you think it takes roots to grow? What does it take for a place to become a home?
In Buenos Aires, Katie meets a colorful group of expats with whom she forms an unexpectedly close bond. How does being far from home affect the various characters in the book? How does it give Gianluca, a Buenos Aires native, the upper hand? Discuss your own experiences as an expat if you’ve ever lived abroad. If not, where do you fantasize about living?
Katie/Liz forms a deep connection with the history and culture of Buenos Aires while living there. She’s especially struck by the Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo, who protest the disappearance of thousands of Argentine citizens during the military junta. Discuss the themes of motherhood and loss in the book.
A Conversation with Andrea Dunlop
Q: This book features a group of elite skiers. Is the skiing world something you were already familiar with or did you have to do quite a bit of research for that part of the story?
A: I love to ski but I’ve only ever done so recreationally. One of the most fun parts of being a novelist is that you get to live out fantasy life paths on the page, and being an Olympic skier was one of mine. In order to get the details right, I talked to a number of current and former skiers, including Breezy Johnson, a skier here in the Pacific Northwest who was a downhill alpine racer for the U.S. team in the 2018 Olympics in PyeongChang. It was such an interesting subculture to learn about!
Q: Half of the book is set in the American West and the other half in Buenos Aires. What made you choose the latter city?
A: I spent time in Buenos Aires in my late twenties, and I think I always knew I’d go back and write about it someday. When I started to work on this book, it immediately seemed like the perfect city for Katie to run away to and reinvent herself. Buenos Aires has a long history as a place where people go to start over; both in a positive sense in that it’s a city of immigrants, and in a negative sense in that it famously harbored many high-ranking Nazis after the war. It’s a beautiful city with a very dark history and many secrets; it felt like the only possible setting for this book.
Q: Do you do a lot of outlining and planning before you start writing, or does the work develop organically on the page?
A: I usually have some idea of who my main character is going to be and where the story might be headed when I sit down to write a new book. But the thing I find really exciting about writing a first draft is that I know that the characters are going to have plenty of surprises for me along the way. I typically make a lot of big changes during my revisions. With this book, the story came out much more fully formed in the initial draft and so, much of the work in the revisions was adding details about things like professional skiing and the history of Buenos Aires.
Q: The book has two timelines: one that starts after the tragedy that blows Katie’s family apart and one that goes all the way back to Katie’s childhood with Penny. Why did you feel it was important to show us Katie and Penny as children?
A: For me, this story is about a really specific kind of loss that happens when you’re estranged from a family member and can’t conceive of reconciling with them. It’s something we don’t talk about much as a culture, what happens when the only healthy decision is to cut someone off; there’s often a sense that you should never turn your back on family no matter what. I wanted to look at how it feels to lose someone this way, how you go back through your history again and again trying to figure out how your relationship with them went wrong. I also wanted the reader to feel and understand the good parts of Penny and of her relationship with Katie so that they’d understand what had been lost.
Q: Katie meets an intriguing group of expats in Buenos Aries and we come to find out that all of them are dealing with some form of tragedy or trauma. What inspired this part of the book?
A: I think that people bonding with one another over grief and trauma is a very real part of life. It’s why there are support groups for people grieving a loved one, coping with cancer, etc. I also think this just happens naturally, that we’re drawn to other people who can understand what we’ve been through or are in a similar dark place. In the book, some of the bonds Katie makes during this time turn out to be lasting ones and some are very ephemeral but still necessary in the moment and ultimately become a beautiful part of her history.
Q: The most harrowing story line in the novel concerns a horrific form of child abuse called Munchausen by Proxy. You’ve been candid in interviews about having a personal connection to this part of the material. Why did you feel like that was important to reveal?
A: I don’t think it’s always helpful or interesting to know about how an author’s real life influences their work, and in fact I think it can sometimes distract from a reader’s experience to know too much. However, having been close to this issue I know how isolating it is to come against something so little known and misunderstood. I felt like it was important to be honest about the fact that I have real-life experience with MBP because I wanted readers to know this was an informed portrayal. One of the most powerful ways fiction can work is to make us feel less alone, and I’m hoping that this book does that for readers who’ve been through something similar.
Q: This is definitely a story of reinvention—Katie literally takes on a new identity when she decamps to Buenos Aires—is it also a story of redemption?
A: Absolutely. Katie finds redemption in the people she meets in Buenos Aires, and also in finding the strength to go home and figure out how to return to real life. No one will be able to take away the pain of what happened to her family, but Katie finds a way to move forward with her new life. She realizes she’ll never get over losing her niece and being separated from her sister, but also that her grief doesn’t preclude her living a happy life.
Q: What do you hope readers will take away from your book?
A: Primarily, I always want readers to enjoy themselves and feel transported by my work. If someone tells me they read my book in a day or over a weekend, that’s the best compliment. I hope that readers who’ve lost a family member—whether through death or estrangement—will find some catharsis in the book and be moved by the story of Katie’s resilience and healing. I hope that it will also raise awareness about Munchausen by Proxy. There are not many resources available for survivors and families right now and I hope to help change that. This book led me to connect with some of the foremost experts in the world on the subject, and I’m in the beginning stages of some advocacy and awareness work around the issue that I’m feeling very hopeful about.